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Over the years, the word abuse has usually been associated with physical assault, substance misuse or abuse, swearing words etc. Very few acknowledge that you can be abused emotionally as well and following are various categories which could have deep impact in your life:
- Humiliation: Putting you down or demeaning you, especially in front of others. This happens consciously or unconsciously between friends, colleagues or bosses at work or even in parenting. It is very common to see people making jokes at others’ expense and insisting it isn’t a big deal. Name calling, insults and body shaming also come under this category. Comparing your child with other kids in front of them and other parents can be quite depressing for the child. Bosses swear at their team members during team meetings in front of colleagues, super bosses and subordinates is easily one of the reasons of high attrition in some organizations.
- Monitoring: This one is very underrated but is definitely one of the strong Emotional Abuse types. So many relationships go bad when one partner monitors the other partner’s phone, social media accounts or daily activities which indicates lack of trust. Some partners demand to know where their partners are at all times and who they are speaking with. Such monitoring often results in assuming or believing false realities. Incorrect perceptions could also result in physical abuse or psychological depression.
- Isolation: We have usually seen this in marriages or in live-in relationships where the ‘dominant’ partner keeps the other isolated from friends, family or other support systems in life due to various insecurities or doing it under the name of ‘tradition’. This also includes constantly criticizing the partner’s family, friends and being jealous of the time the partner spends time with them.
- Gaslighting: This is defined as making the person question their reality or perception of any experience. This differs from invalidation, which is dismissing how someone feels. Gaslighting is about making someone believe something when they don’t actually feel that way.
- Control: This is about someone controlling what you wear, how you carry yourself, what you talk about, how you do your make-up, who do you speak to, etc. This can come in the form of demands or manipulating you with constant criticism. This often happens again in relationships and sometimes in parenting too.
- Threats: This is about someone threatening you or your loved ones with or without a weapon; even threatens to harm you or themselves during arguments. This is seen a lot in toxic marriages.
- Intentional cheating: This is about cheating to intentionally hurt you or to teach you a lesson. I have seen many people wanting to cheat their partners by getting into another relationship because of some related or unrelated discontent. Also, threatening to cheat on you is an Emotional Abuse.
- Aggression: This involves damaging your belongings, breaking things when angry, punching the wall, throwing things near you or in your direction etc. Needless to say, physical abuse, slapping also comes in this category.
- Emotional withholding: Intentionally withholding love and affection until they get what they want, making you earn their love by doing what they expect, making you feel as though you aren’t worthy of their love unless you are meeting expectations; all a part of this category. The victim in this case may get inferiority complex or may see big deficit in overall quality of relationship.
None of us are perfect humans in all areas of life. Sometimes we lack in ‘competencies’. Deficit in competencies can be dealt with by Teaching or Training. But when you see someone lacking in ‘character’, there is nothing we can do about it because the character is strongly linked with Values. As per Anthony Robbins, Values are the guiding dictum of your life. It is difficult to change or alter your guiding dictum of life. Now that you know various types of Emotional Abuse, and if you are a victim of any of these, maybe it is time for you to make some changes to make your life better and fulfilling. We know that we have this one life; so why not make the best of it?
