It is the start of a new year and in fact a new decade. I thought of writing something that would help ‘burn’ the negative past, which may still be giving you negative emotions. You should be fully rejuvenated and motivated to achieve your compelling goals without the past hampering your confidence.

Let me begin by saying, there are reasons the past events which are still troubling you with negative emotions. One reason could be, you need to do or change something that is long pending because emotions are action signals. The second reason could be that the realization has not yet crept in; what you know now, you did not know then. Otherwise, you would have had a different result. You would have been better equipped to deal with that situation.

We would be learning to deal with negative emotions from the past using the concept of Timelines. What is a Timeline? I will introduce you to the concept.

Where do you point if you were referring to your past? Where do you point when you are referring to your future? Some people refer to the past by pointing backwards and refer to the future by pointing in front of them. So, in some people’s case, their timeline exists from back to front. This type of timeline is called In-time Timeline.

I know some people whose timeline exists from left to right. Some have timelines in V-shape or U-shape. These variants of Timelines are called Through-time Timelines. This concept was first introduced by Tad James in the 1980s. According to Tad James, Through-time Timelines don’t pass through your body, whereas, the In-time Timeline passes through your body.

I know this sounds a bit weird but check it out for yourself. Observe people when they are talking and look out for their gestures especially when they referring to their past and/or future. There is a definite reason why they point in those directions. Your brain has a unique way of storing time and it is indicated in the way you use your verbal and non-verbal communication. I am sure you have heard of people saying, “This is way back in time”, or, “I am looking forward to it”.

Now, it is seen that people who have In-time timelines are often ‘in the moment’ people. They are ‘a part’ of the timeline and if they are working on something, they get lost in time. They lose track of time vary easily and often they are late for the next assignment. Through-time timeline people are quite aware of how various tasks are lined up because the timeline doesn’t pass through them. They are dissociated from the timeline, similar to how a coach is dissociated from a Football game and is able to see the strategy working or if any change needs to be done. S/he has a bird’s eye view. This is the reason, Through-time timeline people are usually good organizers because they can see the tasks lined up and can make those tweaks in their brains easily. This could be one of the reasons why In-time people may have a little bit of friction with Through-time people because one type wants to enjoy the moment and the other one is already anxious about being on time for the next. You can link this with people who are too practical and the ones who are too much in the moment; could be the emotional type as well.

Let us go on a test-drive on your timeline. You may choose to do this with your eyes open or your eyes closed. Eyes closed is a better option according to me:

1. We have just elicited your timeline. Notice your timeline and see what characteristics it has in terms of colour if it has any sounds if you feel any temperature, pressure or vibration. Check for all characteristics.
2. Look towards the future where you can see future events happening in your life at a distance. Look towards the past to see the events that have happened today, yesterday, last week, last month, and so on.
3. Now, rise above your timeline, take yourself further up, and you will see your timeline below. You are above the present moment.
4. Float towards the past and see all the events which happened today, yesterday, the day before yesterday, last week, last month, this time last year, five years ago, ten years ago and so on. You are looking at yourself on the timeline as a part of the events. You are dissociated because you are floating above the timeline, and you can see yourself on the timeline experiencing the events.
5. Now float towards the present and keep seeing events on the timeline as you approach the present. Pass the present moment and go into the future. See all the planned activities for today, tomorrow, day after, next week, next month and next year. Where do you see yourself in the next one year, two years or three years? How do you visualise your life?
6. Now float back towards the present and once you are above the ‘now’, float down into the present. If you have done this with your eyes closed, open your eyes.

Now you have a good experience of what your timeline is. We will be using this experience when we learn about dealing with a past negative event.

Dealing with a past negative event:
Story | “What I know now, I didn’t know then

We all have made mistakes in our life. Some of those mistakes still haunt us through negative emotions like anger, hurt, guilt, sadness, grief, conflict, etc. I remember this incident and it took me years to get over it. Now, you can say I have made peace with myself and the incident which happened during my childhood days. When I was in school, I had a friend in my class, and we were very close to each other. Her name was Rasika and she used to help me with my homework, and I used to help her with the drawings. We were best friends and would also connect with each other on the tiffin front as well. I used to eat her tiffin and she used to eat mine. I was fond of her mother’s culinary skills and vice-versa.

The bond grew stronger and I became protective of her. I remember a time when I had bashed up a boy in our class when he said he had a crush on her. This was one of the biggest highlights in the 4th grade for me. But I remember an incident when one day I saw a man clicking her pictures on a Kodak camera from outside the fence of the school. We had our Physical Training session at the time. I quickly went to the headmaster and told him what I saw. The headmaster came out with some security guards and all of us went to the man to give him a peace of mind. I started by shouting at him, “Look at this goonda taking pictures of the girls in the school. Beat him up so that he learns a lesson”. The man smiled and said to me and the headmaster, I am the girl’s father and I wanted her candid pictures in school for the family album. Everyone laughed at me and I was amazingly embarrassed. That embarrassment troubled me for years after that. Even today, Rasika brings up that incident and I hide my face. But now I am okay with it.

Over time, I have been looking at that incident and realized that my intention was good. In fact, the father and the headmaster praised me for escalating the whole thing. But I couldn’t come in front of her father for many years because the fact that I had called him a ‘goonda’, still embarrassed the crap out of me. I just hoped not to see her father for a long time, so that he would forget the incident and would forget the face that called him a ‘goonda’. But apparently, we have open days.

Today, when I look back, I realize what I know now, I didn’t know then. I also realize that my intention was good, and I was appreciated for the action. The learning I get from the incident is, never judge a book by the looks of the cover page. So, obviously, I would carry this learning in the future and would hold my horses because pulling the trigger. So, really there is no need to get embarrassed about something which is done, because based on the internal resources one has at a time in the past, one chooses a path accordingly. This is pretty much how you release negative emotions.

Your timeline is a huge bead necklace and the beads represent various important events in your life. By important, I mean each of those events gave you some strong emotion; positive or negative. You remember an event because of the emotions you got from it. Every event may not be ‘burnt’ into your memory because it didn’t matter to you that much. Yes, one theory does say that that humans are capable of remembering everything, but your neurons need to fire that way.

So, when you want to release a negative emotion, which is caused because of some past event, we release the emotion by going to that ‘bead’ on the timeline and saying to ourselves, “What I know now, I didn’t know then”. There is also one more fact that we choose the best option we had at that point in time. Also, the actions taken then had a positive intention. Finally, we take the learnings with us and come to the present and make sure we don’t make the same mistake in the future.

If the event is traumatic, you may choose to float over your timeline and look at the event by dissociating yourself from that event. This sounds quite simple and it is. But sometimes, it may take as many as 2-3 hours to release the emotions depending on the severity of the event and the emotions resulting from it.

Now, when you are able to release a particular emotion from a particular event, you can do so for all the events in your life which have given you that emotion and which is still troubling you. It is like, you remove the first bead from the bead necklace and all the beads fall off the string. If that first bead is the first event ever to give you that emotion, then the process becomes simpler. However, most of us are not able to remember the first event in our life which gave us that emotion. But then one theory says, if your neurology believes that certain event is the first event, then the mind and body respond to the repair work.

It could also happen at times that certain things are not at all in your control and mishaps happen. Sometimes, other people are at fault and you had nothing to do with it. These could be tricky ones but if you integrate all the presuppositions of NLP in your mind, especially the ones, “Every behavior has a positive intention”, “People are working perfectly well with the resources available to them at that time”, “People are sometimes in unresourceful states”, “People choose the best option available to them at a given point in time”, things would become better.

Feel free to connect with me to discuss further on the concept. I am always enthusiastic to help people deal with their negative emotions and temperamentally be at a better place.