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I am sure this is one of the most common and intense questions in Parenting. Well, there is a very simple answer to this; Too many reasons! But let us look at the main and important ones, which are generally common across cultures and national borders. And my intention is not only to educate you with these reasons, but also to give you the good news that there are solutions to these problems.

Reason 1: Parents teach their kids to lie

This happens mostly unknowingly or unconsciously. Of course, Parents don’t have the intention to teach their kids to lie, but quite easily, almost like reflex-action, it is told to the kids to tell that ‘Unwanted uncle’ at the doorstep that “Daddy is not at home” even if you are. I remember as a child, my father had told me to do the same thing and I went and said to the guy at the doorstep, “Daddy is saying that he is not at home”. Kids can often be embarrassment for their parents. Wouldn’t that topic be a good one for doing stand-up comedy?

I was once with my 6-year-old son at the Golf Club where I was discussing about the yearly membership with the front office executive. The guy was in his early 20s and he gave me all the information I needed about all the plans. Then he made a cheeky face and said, “Sir, take my advice, pay for 1 month and play for the quarter. Nobody over here checks the records”. I said that I wouldn’t do such a thing. “Don’t worry Sir. I wouldn’t mention it to anyone and nobody will know about it”, said the front office guy. I said to him, “My son knows about what I am doing. It wouldn’t be right for him to learn such things”. My son was watching me all along and I think, quite covertly he got a learning on honesty and integrity. Children mirror their Parents. The word is ‘environment’, in which the child is growing up.

The solution to this reason lies in the reason itself; walk the talk as a Parent.

Reason 2: To escape from punishments

The most common story you may have heard is about kids not showing their progress reports to their parents. And of course there are many more. One thing I do as a parent when my son tells me the truth is appreciate him for his courage. And of course, follow it up with a constructive feedback so that the learning is in place. Have you even wondered why kids do something which is inappropriate, or they just don’t do what is told? There is a simple reason to it. They don’t see the value. Always back up your constructive feedback with at least 3 reasons: one logical, one emotional and one selfish reason, selfish for them. They will resonate with either of these reasons, if not all. Punishing the child for some wrong doing is only going to create a mental block which goes a long way affecting their chemistry with their parents.

Reason 3: To get the attention, appreciation, acknowledgement from parents

This happens when parents are too busy to engage with the child. Such children crave for the attention and you will often find them overreacting to small issues. I know such a family in my friends circle. The boy came home from school one day and said to his parents that he has been selected in the schools football team. His parents were overjoyed and felt proud. Obviously, their excitement further excited the child. But in the next two days, through the common parents’ group the parents got to know that the school doesn’t have a football team. The parents chose not to do anything about it. And then, every week their son was scoring goals and winning matches for the school. Parents used to silently listen to the stories the boy told them and were clueless about why the boy was lying and what they should do about it. They got the insight when they visited a parenting coach who did a good job showing mirror to the parents. Things changed after that.

Reason 4: To hide the embarrassment

This one is quite similar to Reason 2. I remember what one of my nieces did one day. She was 5 years old at that time. Usually, at that age you don’t expect kids to wet the bed at night, having gone through all the toilet training and knowing what sensory indications related to the bladder mean. But then, there are kids who come to terms a little late which is fine really. But her mother used to express her frustration in a way which embarrassed the child. To counter this issue, the mother went back to making her daughter wear diapers every night. Every morning, the mother would do a routine check and would be disappointed after feeling the heaviness of the diaper. Her daughter could feel her disappointment and would not feel good about it. Genius as she was, she planned something extraordinary. Every morning when the daughter would wake up, her mother would be in the kitchen cooking. Before the mother would know that her daughter is awake, the daughter would quickly wear a fresh diaper and throw the wet one under the bed. Then she would go back to bed pretending to sleep. The mother was overjoyed feeling the light as feather diaper and hugged her daughter. This ordeal went on for a week, after which the mother chose to clean the room for the upcoming festivals. The discovery was insightful. There was wisdom under the bed, 7 pieces of wisdom to be precise. Insight is often followed by realization which the mother went through. Then there was change in strategy which led the mother to handhold her child and be a little patient with her. The bottom line is, know the pulse of your child. Know what makes your child happy, sad, embarrassed, angry etc. Plan your Parenting strategies accordingly.

As Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is people doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time”.