A true story of my life when I was 15 years old. I was giving my 10 th board exams and if you are an Indian, you would know that it the first important exam you give in your life which marks the end of your school days. You have to score big in order to get admission to a decent college. And we are the second most populated country in the world, so you can imagine the competition rush. My first paper was English. A 3-hour paper. I didn’t expect it to be so easy. I wrote long answers and thought I was really killing it. My main answer sheet was full and then took extra two supplement sheets and those were full. Then came the warning bell when we were supposed to check our paper and ensure we tie them together mentioning the details related to the name of the subject, candidate number, number of supplements taken etc. on the main answer sheet. Most importantly, we were supposed to tie the sheets together and not staple them. Now, even today, I am not able to recollect if I had done all that. It had suddenly dawned upon me on the same day evening after the English exam that I am not sure if I had completed the hygiene part of the English paper. I was studying for my next paper and I remember very well. The next one was History which was scheduled two days after. I started sweating. I had all sorts of insecurities in the world. What if I had forgotten to tie the supplements? Does that mean the supplements would be lost? Which means I won’t get those marks? Forget about scoring high, now I was not sure if I would pass. Hurriedly, I rushed to my mother and told her about the subjectively perfect reality. I was scared to death. My mother very calmly told me that it is just the anxiety related to the exams. She said to me that she was sure I had done everything that was required and my mind was just messing around with me. But that was not enough for me. The shock had dented my confidence. I continued studying for my next exam as there was no other choice and I could do nothing about the past. But I was studying with a lot of distracting thoughts.

For all the papers after that, I was witnessed tying the main answer sheet and supplements with 3 threads, not just 1. I was checking again and again, each and every question whether it was properly labelled with the correct answer number. I had lost the belief in myself. The confidence of reality had vanished. For that matter, I couldn’t identify if something was real. For example, my brain just wouldn’t believe if I had locked the house door or not. Although, I did check it 5 times before finally leaving. This was some kind of an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), is what I had thought that time. But today I know that it was my first encounter with something called as Quarter-life crisis. It is a period of feeling insecurity, doubt and disappointment. You must have heard and read about midlife crisis. If you haven’t, then here is the link. Do the math, and you will know the approximate time when it may hit someone. So, when does it usually happen (if it happens)? Happens between 20s and 30s. Can start at 18. Mine happened a bit early. It happens when you enter the ‘real world’ while entering into professional courses or starting your career. And it doesn’t happen to everyone.

This is one of the 8 crisis that humans face during their development described by German Psychologist Erik H Erikson. Symptoms are feelings of being lost, scared, confused about what steps to take in early adulthood. It could be triggered by taking a wrong career path or if you are unemployed. Sometimes, quarter-life crisis is also because of the conflict between isolation and intimacy. This can cause you to be lonely. Re-evaluation of one’s relationships can cause quarter life crisis as well when you get the feeling of outgrowing your partner and where you see some other person is more suitable for you. Independence after marriage, repaying education loan, making a home, choosing the right partner, job vs business conflict, freedom vs security conflict and the key stake holders of Quarter-life crisis. It is the Anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life. You would know you are going through quarter-life crisis if majority of the following statements or variants hold true for you:

1. You glare at your cat in the morning as you get ready for work and say, “Gosh, I wish I had your life.”
2. “Am I ever going to feel like myself again?” Is something you ask. Every day.
3. A Bon Iver or John Mayer song comes on and you start crying. By yourself, or around friends. Or in the middle of a coffeeshop as strangers slowly usher their children away.
4. “When is life going to feel like it’s supposed to?” Is something you ask. Every day.
5. You’re reading this article right now because you Googled: “Quarter Life Crisis?”
6. Visualizing yourself 15 years from now doing your boss’s job makes you throw up a little in your mouth.
7. You’re having arguments with your mom again about cleaning your bathroom and being home at a reasonable hour.
8. Your monthly routine of expenses being greater than your income is dawning on you as a serious problem.
9. Feelings of quarter life crisis stop you throughout the day as you ask, “There’s got be more to life than this?”
10. You’ve moved six times in the last four years. You’ve had six jobs in the last four years. You’ve had six boyfriends in the last four years. You’ve had six girlfriends/boyfriends in the last four years.
11. You’d pay top dollar for a moment of clarity.
12. You feel like you’re being crushed by either anxiety, unemployment, or just crazy amounts of college debt — you know, like most Millennials these days.
13. Your part-time, temporary job at Starbucks (or anywhere) has lasted three five and ½ years.
14. You binge on buying brand names to try and cover up that you’re broke.
15. You find yourself repelled and compelled by any religious worshipping place at the same time. You ask God for help one day and then you’re yelling at him the next. Your faith is a roller coaster and you’re pretty sure your seat belt is about to come undone.
16. You see so clearly the two roads in front of you. A life of comfort and a life of risk. And you’re not sure you have the right car or directions to go down either one.
17. You surf the internet so much at work every day that you literally hit a point where you don’t know what else to search for.
18. You laughed, and cried, when you first read 21 Secrets for your 20s.
19. Making a budget is completely debilitating.
20. The phrase you dread hearing the most at work is, “Congratulations, you’re getting a promotion” because you’re getting pushed deeper into a job you despise.
21. You dream about going back and punching your Smug-College-Self who was so sure had all the answers.
22. You feel like every time you’re a bridesmaid or groomsman, an angel loses it’s wings.
23. You seek out a mentor for answers one week and you avoid them like the 8th grader with bad BO, the next.
24. You have no idea where to go for answers. Or even, how to find the right questions.
25. You’re 99.7% sure a road trip would fix everything.

Now the question is, how do deal with this? Here are some points:

1. First of all, choose a career which really interests you. Have a good far-sight of how you see yourself 25-30 years down the line in that career. If you are not able to find your passion, visit a career coach. It is quite simple these days for coaches to help you find your purpose.
2. Don’t be in a hurry to commit to anyone. Hurried commitments can be very messy and could result in a lot of limiting beliefs related to commitments after the breakups. Such stuff could lead to quarter-life crisis.
3. Don’t start too many things at the same time. For example, buying a house along with getting married and planning for a kid; all at the same time. It could give some anxiety problems because now you have to look at too many sides and make sure everything is falling in the right place. Take it step by step.
4. Its always good to have a role model in your life. In situations where you find yourself un-resourceful, think of how your role model will deal with it and act accordingly. Remember, people are not unresourceful, they are in unresourceful state. Aim at regulating and changing the state.
5. Get things cleared out whenever there is any ambiguity in your life or other’s. It will do a great deal of good to keep insecurities at bay.
6. Practice the concept of, “What isn’t broken, don’t fix it”.
7. Develop a habit of embarking on repair work as early as you can without just sitting on the problem. The earlier you get to the solution end, the better it is to keep away some harmful inhibitions.

Well, I hope you liked my take on quarter-life crisis. It is not something cancerous which some people claim it to be. But most of the people going through this crisis probably just need a good listening to and a good coach. Connect with me for some fruitful discussion on this topic.