I know the introverts will love this title and the extroverts will find it impossible. Well, this write-up is not pro-introverts and/or anti-extroverts. After you complete reading this, you will realize that it is as simple as developing an ability, capacity and competency to be able to stay alone. Now why should we do that? Read on!

Firstly, let me deal with this introverts-extroverts concept and put to rest any confusion. Introverts aren’t anti-people. That is a myth. A very simple way to distinguish is to know what they do to recharge their batteries after a hectic, stressful day. Some will find comfort in being by themselves, alone, listen to some songs or read a book in a quiet room (Introverts). Some will be recharged by going out with people (Extroverts). Basically, it is all about from where do people get their energies from; other people or intrinsically. Its not that introverts don’t go out with people. They go out strictly with people that they really trust. They have that closed group which has taken years of building and nurturing. They are not the first ones to talk to strangers on a plane or a train or movie theater. Compared to extroverts, introverts will find it difficult to give harsh feedback. Working in teams is a motivating factor for extroverts and sometimes a nightmare for introverts. Introverts will still work in teams but they will choose to have silence when they are working and would prefer individual work. I’ve heard people saying that introverts cannot be good sales professionals. Well, according to some write-ups and opinions, Zig Ziglar happens to come under the category of being an introvert. One of the best sales professionals this world has seen. This is possible because introverts have a better chance of being empathetic as well. Empathy is required in selling, surely! You need to think from the customer’s perspective. Amateur sales person will sell products; Professional sales person will sell solutions. You can see solutions for a buyer when you put yourself in the buyer’s shoes.

That’s pretty much about introverts and extroverts that I’d like to talk on in this blog. Irrespective of what you are, I think and I have realized this with time and experience that if you have the capability of being happy by staying alone, going to movies alone, going on solo-trips etc. then generally you are sorted at emotional level. With this capability, the dependency on others to get the emotions you want ceases to exist and you are totally emotionally self-sufficient. But let us first define at macro level what makes us happy. Let me list a few points below:

• When our expectations are met or exceeded
• When we are given pleasant surprise/s
• When we do something that we like (Example: Watch movies, travel, eat & drink out, travel, follow a passion/hobby, shopping etc.)
• When we are loved, appreciated, given importance etc. (this probably falls in the expectations point)
• …… and many more you can think of.

You will realize that in each of the above mentioned points, you may have people involved to make you happy or you may not. That choice is always there. But a lot of us find it difficult to get the happy emotions without people. Fair enough! Humans are social animals and we are wired to connect. And as they say, happiness multiplies when there are people to share with or when you achieve success together. I totally believe in this statement. I’ll tell you where it goes wrong or doesn’t work out. People have that option of not playing their part. People have an option of doing what they want to do even if it means killing your expectations and sometimes even trust. In a nutshell, what it means is people have 17 options of ice-cream to order even if you expect vanilla to be served. Look at the bullet-points above and you will realize that you can be happy without any kind of contribution, validation or intervention from other people. You will also realize that others have a button in their hands that could ruin everything in each of those points.

So, what are we saying here? Not to engage with people? Not be committed to them? All this out of the fear of being at the unhappy end of the stick? No, not at all! It is about finding the mid-way. When you are driving on a 3-lane expressway in India, where the left-most lane is the slowest and right-most lane is the fastest, you also have a middle lane which is not too slow and not too fast. Let us call the right lane as being totally dependent on people and getting the most from them emotionally and the left lane as being totally dependent on self to sort out things. But let’s say, you have a habit of travelling either in the left or the right lane. It becomes very difficult to move from one extreme lane to another extreme lane when there is need. If you are pre-dominantly the right lane person, then you run the risk of being unhappy or disappointed when people choose to turn the rudder the other way. If you are a left lane person, then you run the risk of not being personable or approachable and affects the overall increase in productivity that results from being people-oriented. Afterall, two or more brains working together are better than just one.

Essentially, we all should be capable to drive in the middle lane where we are happy if people turn the rudder our way. But if not, it should also be easy to be happy and feel content in their absence or abstinence. The real question is, how to learn to be able ‘walk alone’ when required? Actually, it is very simple. I am going to use Nike tagline here, ‘Just do it’. Start with small initiatives of going out alone. For example, go for a movie alone. If you find it a little weird, go to a theatre that is far from the place you stay. Try this, just to get a feel. If this is a little too much to start off with, just go for a drink alone in one of the cafes in your city. Okay, even simpler! Go for a walk all by yourself for an hour. You will find speaking to yourself and finding solutions or innovating to find better solutions. Bear in mind that this doesn’t brand you as a loner. Basically, you have one more choice now; doing things and enjoying life by yourself without having to depend on others. Your brain has the capability of producing ‘happy’ chemicals without depending on any kind of external trigger. You will become a pro in this when you go on a 10 day solo trip. Go to the Himalayas and don’t plan your stay before-hand. Share the pictures on social media and enjoy the ‘awes’ and ‘likes’ you get. You will surely cement yourself in the middle lane by then. Solo trips by the way, will help you ‘find’ yourself. I’ve been on several solo-trips and each time, I discover something new about myself.

With this mindset, you will never be at the ‘effect’ end but always at the ‘cause’ end, hence keeping you temperamentally fit. You will not be insecure when it comes to people around you because you will live with the ‘Paradigm of Abundance’ instead of ‘Paradigm of Scarcity’. Abundance talks of a life being limitless and Scarcity talks of life being limited to only a few resources at hand and fear of losing them as well. In a nutshell, out of all the things that can disappoint you, people factor will not be your concern. For other situations, I have some more blogs coming.